2017, you were a big one! My biggest one so far, and the most eventful one. You were the year I graduated. You were the year I first became independent and lived on my own. You were the year I studied my guts and brain out. You were the year I passed my board exams and got that CPA title. You were the year I got my heart broken, and broke someone else’s. You were the year I did so many things I couldn’t tell my parents about. You were the year I turned 22. You were the year I started driving a car by myself. You were the year I became close friends with people I never even thought I’d ever be close to. You were my happiest year, and yet also my saddest (so far). You were the year my dreams started to come true.
You were my year, ‘17. Thank you for all that you are. ❤️✨ To the people in my 2017 (those that have come and gone), thank you and love youu! 😘💝💞
I am forever grateful, Lord, for another year that’s gone; and for the New Year that’s coming. Cheers to the New Year! 💕🎉🥂#instablessed #2017 #HappyNewYear
I miss you. Hinde ko alam kung ilang beses kong pinigilan ang sarili ko na sabihan ka ng “I miss you.” I miss you every single day, and it sucks. It sucks that I can’t tell you how much I want you back, it sucks that all I can do is look at you and love you from afar. It sucks that, after all this time, ikaw pa rin. IKAW PA RIN TALAGA. It sucks that these past few days, pumupunta ako ng school telling myself na ang reason is that gusto ko manuod ng AtFest events, gusto ko manuod ng sports. The truth is, gusto lang talaga kita makita. I want to see how you’re doing, I want to know if you’re doing better than me. Gusto ko malaman kung may mga gabi na umiiyak ka rin ba, gusto ko malaman if nalulungkot ka rin ba at nahihirapan. I want to know if masaya ka ba ngayon na wala na tayo, I want to know if you’re in better shape than I am. I want to know if you miss me too.
In all honesty, I want you back so bad, I have to keep myself busy to forget that I do. I try convincing myself na we’re better off like this, kase hinde talaga tayo talo. Kahit gaano pa kita gusto sa buhay ko, I can’t have you in my life. I FUCKING HATE IT that I can’t have you. I hate that I can’t be with you. I hate that I can’t tell you that I miss you. I hate that I can’t tell you that I love you. I hate that I can’t hold you anymore, I hate that I can’t kiss you anymore. I hate that I’ve gotten so used to watching movies with you, I can’t watch movies by myself or with friends. I hate that everything reminds me of you. I hate that I see you in everything, everywhere. I hate that, after all this time, it’s still you. And I can’t have you.
At this point, hinde ko alam if maniniwala ka pa ba sa anything that I have to say. Pero please believe me when I said all my “I love you’s” to you, because I’ve never loved anyone as much as I loved you. Crush that, I still do. ‘Yang 3-month-rule, hindi yan totoo. Feeling ko naman, dadaan na lang ang 1 year, ikaw pa rin ang laman ng puso ko. Malay ko, baka sa 1 year na yan, iba na ang laman ng puso mo. Mawawasak ata ang puso ko nang pabalik-balik 'pag dumating ang araw na may bago ka na. You’ll have someone better than me, someone to fill that hole I left in your heart, someone who will love you in every way that I couldn’t. I pray, for the life of me, that I’d be strong enough to take that painful blow when that day comes.
I still pray for you, I still cheer you on. This Atfest, I go to all your games, when I can. Sinusupportahan pa rin kita, sana alam mo yan. I know it’s not healthy, but I read your tweets, because somehow that’s the only way I can know how you’re doing. It drives me crazy, kase wala na ako alam tungkol sa'yo at sa mga nangyayari sa buhay mo. I guess I lost the right to know a long time ago. Alam ko, someday, this all has to stop. Someday, kailangan na kita pakawalan. Someday, I have to let go of all these feelings for you.
Darating ang araw na we’ll find someone new, someone who’ll love us better than we loved each other. I wish that day would come sooner, kase hinde ko na kinakaya ang sakit sa puso ko.
We never got the chance to talk ever since I came home from review. I really, really, really want to talk to you, even when I tell myself that I don’t. I hope we get a chance to talk, and have some closure between us.
You were a friend before a lover, and I would want to keep that friendship, if there’s any left. Hinde naman natin kinaya ang maging mag-uyab, pero sana kaya natin maging magkaibigan. Balang araw, sana.
I wasn’t a good girlfriend, I know. But, I hope, one day, I could become a good friend. It was a failed relationship, but hopefully, not a failed friendship.
Kung babalik ako, bilang kaibigan, may mababalikan pa ba rin akong kaibigan sa'yo?
One day, I’ll let all this love in my heart for you go.
But for now, all my love.
If I Could
I’d take you back in a heartbeat, if I could
I’d give you my everything, if I could
I’d love you better, if I could
I’d try harder, if I could
I’d never let go, if I could
I’d kiss you everyday, if I could
I’d hug you longer, if I could
But, I couldn’t
I couldn’t stay strong
I couldn’t hold on
I couldn’t be the girl you dreamed of
I couldn’t be the one
I had to let go
I had to say goodbye
I had to break your heart
Even if it broke mine to
Because I couldn’t
I couldn’t be enough
I couldn’t love you better
I couldn’t fight harder
I couldn’t see the good past the bad
I couldn’t bear the tears before the smiles
I couldn’t love you the way you loved me
But,
I’d hold on tighter, if I could
I’d fight harder, if I could
I’d be stronger, if I could
I’d stay forever
If I could
